So much for sleeping tonight...

Funny how a tiny phrase will spark a heavy, painful memory. The years fly by, but certain memories just seem like they happened yesterday.

I was 19, my first year of college was over, and I had just ended my first serious relationship. 7 years later, a phrase in a dream jerks me awake and sends me into an emotional frenzy. So here I am at 4:30a telling anyone who is still reading this blog thing all about it.

The phrase that ended my relationship? "Jared, I just want to hold you forever."

Ok. What? My name isn't Jared. I'm Erik. Who the hell is Jared, and why do you want to hold him instead of me? My mind was reeling!

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At the time, I was dating this guy. We'll call him Mr. K, to preserve his identity. He was funny, brilliant, and very successful (despite being only 22, he was very successful to the point where he could afford a house himself). He was just great! Except he wasn't faithful.

We dated for a good 9 months before I found this out. As I was leaving his house one night, we stood there in the doorway hugging goodnight when he leaned in and whispered "The Phrase". I pulled away and looked at him funny, and he must not have caught it because he questioned my look. I told him that he had called me "Jared", not "Erik", and that I was concerned. He laughed it off and said I must have misheard him. I must have.

A couple days later I was over watching a movie with him. He got up to use the restroom, and immediately his phone went off. I picked it up to answer for him, but it was a text message rather than a phone call. I did what I shouldn't have done - I read his text messages. I shouldn't have for a couple reasons. One, because it violates trust. (I have a whole separate theory on that though, so I'll save it for another day.) And two, I didn't like what I saw. He had been sexting back and forth with a "Jared" for almost 6 months! I put the phone down and acted like nothing happened. About an hour later he got a phone call and had to take it.

When he came back, I said, "How's Jared doing?" He looked guilty. I told him that I knew about Jared, that what hurt me most was that I was lied to, and that it made me feel like less than a person.

To make an already long story short, I left him right there. I probably said things which I would deeply regret if I remembered. I was also wrong in that. BUT HE WAS CHEATING! So, by the laws of Karma, I was justified. (Okay, not really.)

I guess the point that I'm trying to get to is that even though terrible, negative things happen, life still goes on. I was emotionally bruised and angry. I dated a few other people after Mr. K, but they were just blah. Mostly filler. Then I met my partner. The one who made it all worth it.

My partner, Drew, and I will be celebrating 5 years in August, which is something like 15 years in Gay Years, so it's big! (We'll accept travel packages and gift certificates. Contact me for delivery information!)

In all seriousness though, I'm happy for that bad ending. It opened a new door in my life. I also recently found out that Mr. K just celebrated 4 years with his man, so congratulations! I'm truly happy to see that he found the right man! Maybe it was a blessing and a lesson for both of us. Thanks, Mr. K! And Drew, I love you! *Big smiles*